Yesterday evening, despite staying at work a little later than expected and having already walked to work that morning, I decided to go for a run since the weather was so beautiful. I’m recovering from this cold and it’s been two weeks since my last run, so I had low expectations for my stamina. I planned a loop that allowed for an early cut out and a total distance of almost exactly 5K.
By the time I got to the cut out point, a combination of feeling OK and being determined to push myself propelled me onto the longer loop, which winds through the scenic Mystic River Reservation, past the athletic fields and giant windmill. I got an additional psychological boost when I finally began the return portion of the loop. The evolving riverside scenery also helped.
As I was hitting the main path back to civilization (not that I am that far removed from civilization with I-93 literally 20 feet to my right, but at least I’m not on the street), I realized what I was doing — I was taking control. I’ve been feeling a little bit overwhelmed and doubt-riddled lately, and a little bit like I’m not in control of my own destiny, lacking the discipline to do the things I actually *want* to do. Those are sometimes the most difficult to accomplish, it seems. I always look with curiosity at my friends who whine about wanting to do X but don’t do anything about it. I’m realizing, much to my chagrin, that I’m one of those people. But grabbing the reins on your own life is harder than it looks.
But last night, I was doing it. I was exerting discipline, pushing myself in directions that, while challenging, were not only what I truly wanted and needed to do but were what I knew my body could handle, even if there were some minor cries of protestation or reluctance. In the end, I was pretty beat, but the endorphins were worth it. When I measured out my route this morning, turns out it totaled 4.75 miles, which ranks among my top runs ever.
If you want it, own it. End of story. Now I just need to take that lesson into other areas of my life.